Friday, September 17, 2010

Brother Jon's Football Betting Pool

I saw a notice at Brother Jon's (Galveston Ave.) that they have football pools.

A great way to add some excitement to the games, and pick up some walking-around money, I figure.

Problem is, I know little about football, and less about betting pools.

I lay awake in bed last night (my naturopath and I are trying various supplements to see if I can achieve deeper sleep) and while staring at the clock tick from 3:21 to 3:22 to 3:23 . . . you get the picture . . . I began to form an idea.

It's in rough form only, a nascent concept. I only have the outline.

I'm going to need to form a syndicate. The front man will be an unassuming  bumbling newbie. There's a guy in town I know who can do that. The less he knows, the better. Behind him, in the shadows will be fellows who know what they're doing: someone to put up the money, preferably nicknamed "Pockets"; and someone who knows their onions, "The Professor," or just "perfessor"; we'll need spies on the teams, and someone with dirt on some of the pivotal players or a critical coach; a few runners, "Squeaky," and "Mutt"; and a sad-faced defrocked accountant (bowtied astigmat wtih sleeve garters) we call "Numbers." As in, "Get Numbers on the phone." A smoke-filled boiler room with tout boards and five-line desk telephones. Whiskey, too. There has to be whiskey.

If done right, we could net enough from this pool to land at least $8 for everyone. Before expenses.

This surely has to work. Doesn't it?


  1. You are hilarious andd a fantastic writer. Very witty. I like it!
    My morning was looking a bit glum and I needed a pick me up to venture to my work out. This short story outline put a huge smile on my face. Thanks.

  2. Hysterical ... you are such a talented writer! Count me in ........ straight, with ice please.

  3. My CPA wrote to say that, "I volunteer to be the bumbling newbie....but I refuse to be Numbers, I don't know how to tie a bowtie (and have zero interest in learning)."

    Thinking about it, we might need an enforcer, Knuckles, to collect earnings if they are not forthcoming. Helen looks to be the right person for that.

  4. I have squinty eyes, walk with a limp, never take off my shades and pick my nose constantly. I reckon I could be the official greeter, known as "Shake".
    If that position has been taken, I want to be the banker and you could call me "Pockets".
    I can provide a reference from Osama bin Gonawile who live near me in Queensland Australia, who suggested after our last job that I should go overseas for a while. Umm... please do not tell Helen, she knows squat.

  5. Hey Stafford Ray. Or I should say, "Pockets." How much do you reckon you can bring to the table?

  6. "I lay awake in bed last night (my naturopath and I are trying various supplements to see if I can achieve deeper sleep)"

    Ambien works for me. And it's completely natural. All the substances used in its manufacture occurred in nature. At some point.

  7. "Whiskey, too. There has to be whiskey."

    Gallons of it. And cigars. Big, black ones. The Professor can smoke a pipe and Numbers can smoke cigarettes (he's one of those skinny, jittery types) but everybody else has to smoke cigars. Constantly.

    If you were producing this as a movie or TV series, how would you cast it? I see James Gandalfini as Pockets and Steve Buscemi as Numbers, maybe Robert Duvall as The Professor.

  8. Ambien. Tried it, more than once. Don't care for it. It's not very efficacious after about four hours for me, and the timed-release version leaves me feeling logy and spaced-out in the morning. My primary-care doctor cautions against dependence and urged me to discontinue the stuff. Besides, people do weird shit on Ambien.

    That said, I've heard that "Ambien sex" is pretty fun.

  9. "Besides, people do weird shit on Ambien."

    That's pretty rare, actually.


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