Saturday, July 4, 2009

Pet Parade Disaster Narrowly Averted by Heroic Wife

4th of July, Bend, Oregon (UPI) -- Before attending a morning meeting, Mrs Elliott dropped me off in front of Thump Coffee where I scored a streetside table, a slice of veggie frittata (I am told these delicious omelette pies are made by Nancy P's, but you can't buy them there), a can of lemon soda, and a cortado, which is espresso cut with a little milk to reduce the acidity. In May we spent almost two weeks in the south of Spain, where the drink originated, and I can say that Thump's cortado is better than anything I had there.

Just as the parade started to pass by, Mrs Elliott returned and sat down next to me to watch the kids and their critters.

(PHOTO CREDIT: From "Pup," Disney-Pixar's upcoming sequel to the 2009 hit "Up" - click on picture for bigger version.)

The sun was shining directly on us and the morning was heating up quickly -- and that's not all that was heating up. About 15 minutes into the parade some poor animal suffering from some kind of ghastly intestinal disorder deposited the final results of last night's dinner right in the middle of the street. A fairly large animal, judging by the quantity of material.

This was no ordinary dog poop. This was an evil, malodorous, putty-like substance of an unhealthy color, and as it heated on the pavement, those of us downwind were quickly alerted to its presence.

However, the folk in the parade had little chance of avoiding the treacherous substance as they were mostly just following those in front of them.

After several near misses (a betting pool was starting to shape up on our side of the street), Mrs Elliott took it upon herself to prevent disaster by standing in front of the deadly traps and directing parade marchers to the right and left of her, so that she split the parade into two halves, leaving a little island in her wake whereon the steamers lay untrod.

She performed her civic duty for about 30 minutes. At the tail end of the parade a pooper scooper guy took care of the mess.

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